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Ways to Help a Marriage in Trouble – How to Save Your Relationship and Avoid a Divorce

October 30, 2011 By 1 Comment

If you feel that your relationship with your spouse has fallen onto a slippery slope and is headed towards divorce, it can be devastating. Loving someone and watching everything you’ve built together crumble to the ground is emotionally and physically challenging. Part of you may very well want to run away and hide, but the other part is telling you that you need to fight to keep your family together. If you feel that your marriage is crumbling, but you want to recreate the emotional bond with your partner, there is help for you to do it. There are ways to help a marriage in trouble that will allow you the opportunity to connect again with your spouse so your relationship is more satisfying and happier than ever.

Obviously communication is the cornerstone of any successful partnership and that’s very true of a marriage as well. When a couple first meets and even during the early days of the marriage, both partners are very focused on the other. They love talking and hearing about what is going on in the other’s life. That tends to change once children and the stresses of daily life enter the equation. Talking about shared feelings can often be replaced with chatter about the children and their accomplishments and needs. The couple may stop communicating about what they’re feeling in terms of the marriage and that can lead to all sorts of problems. That’s why it’s so fundamentally important to set aside time each day to communicate one-on-one with each other. Listen closely to what your partner is saying and learn from it. Share your innermost thoughts and feelings with them. If you can do this, you’ll notice the emotional distance between you two becoming less and less.

Another of the ways to help a marriage in trouble is to make an active effort each day to view your spouse in a more positive light. When you live with someone it becomes very easy to focus primarily on their negative qualities. If you continually do this over time, you risk changing your opinion of them forever. Don’t allow your spouse’s shortcomings to overshadow everything about them that you absolutely adore. Each time you feel drawn to thoughts of parts of their personality you don’t find appealing or habits they have that you find distasteful, switch over to a thought about something you absolutely love or admire about them. If you do this, over time you’ll notice that you start to see them the way you did when you first met. That can really change the entire dynamic of your marriage.

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How to Avoid a Divorce – Steps to Take to Rebuild Your Marriage

October 30, 2011 By 1 Comment

You’re wondering how to avoid a divorce. Your marriage is crumbling, isn’t it? Try as you might you can’t figure out exactly what to do to save it. Maybe you’ve talked to your partner about the state of your relationship or perhaps the two of you are just going through the motions, ignoring the fact that your relationship is quickly slipping into the abyss of divorce. It doesn’t have to be this way. You don’t have to give up. If you love your partner and you want your marriage to not only survive, but thrive, do something about it. You have the ability to change the future for both you and your spouse. You can stay together and live a life that is happier than either of you ever imagined.

Learning how to avoid a divorce has a great deal to do with facing your problems head on. We often shy away from talking to our spouse about what’s troubling the marriage because we fear that we’ll upset them and it will initiate a series of events that culminates in a huge fight. Feelings will inevitably be hurt and the two of you will be further apart than you are now. That’s the very reason you do need to communicate but in a very specific way.

You have to agree to let go of all of your resentments. Explain to your spouse that you’re intent on rebuilding the marriage and you promise not to interrupt them when they’re sharing their feelings. Then follow through with that. Listen carefully to what your spouse tells you about what they’re feeling. Learn from it and make changes so they feel more connected to you. View their words as a life raft. If you use that knowledge effectively, the marriage can survive.

Now is the time for you to shift your priorities. If you and your spouse aren’t devoting quality time to each other anymore, the relationship can’t really grow. You need to start viewing your marriage as the most important thing in your life. Obviously, you can’t just neglect your work or your children but just as you make time for them, you have to make time for your spouse. Schedule uninterrupted time for the two of you to do the things you enjoy. That might mean going out to dinner or perhaps settling onto the sofa after the children have gone to bed to watch a movie together. The key is to reconnect again. You have to get to know your spouse again if you want to avoid a divorce and ensure your relationship grows.

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Divorce! Stop Now

October 30, 2011 By 1 Comment

When married couples find themselves in a relationship crisis, the possibility of divorce often starts coming up more and more frequently.  Certainly divorce will give you the freedom to go your separate ways and be done with the conflict.  But if you truly desire to stop your divorce, there are several strategies you can begin implementing right now which may turn your relationship around.  In fact, your spouse will never know what hit him!

Granted, these strategies take a little work.  And most of the work, if you want to stop your divorce, is yours to do.  Don’t put the onus on your spouse to change.  In fact, if you try following these strategies, your spouse will likely be surprised and start changing in response to you.  Keep in mind, that these will feel very counter-intuitive to you initially.  They will likely be the very opposite of how you have been behaving.  So be prepared to try on some new behaviors which will help you stop your divorce in its tracks!

The first thing you need to do is stop complaining about or criticizing anything about your spouse or your marriage.  Every time you engage in that sort of behavior, you just push your spouse further away and give him more reason to want to go through with the divorce.  So, work hard to catch yourself when you want to make a critical or negative remark if your goal is to stop your divorce.

Instead, take an unusually agreeable stance.  If your spouse makes a critical comment or complains, agree with him.  For example, if he says something like, “all we ever do is fight”, rather than try to convince him that that isn’t true, (and thus be letting him know how wrong he is) agrees with it.  You might say (and you must be sincere), “you are right….we do fight a lot.”  And once you have agreed, drop it.  Don’t say anything else.  Don’t give in to your urge to defend yourself or the marriage.  Just agree.

Second, don’t pressure your spouse in any way.  When people are having marriage problems, it is not uncommon for one spouse to be pressuring the other to make changes.  If you want to stop your divorce, this is a huge mistake.

Whenever you pressure someone, you not only put them on the defense, you trigger their resistance.  No one likes to feel pressured, so the natural tendency is to resist it.  Stop yourself whenever you feel the urge to pressure your spouse to work on the marriage, make changes, etc.

Third, avoid having serious conversations.  Those can do more harm than good in a fragile relationship.  The reasons they can be so damaging is because they create undue pressure in the relationship.  Again, pressure will backfire if your goal is to stop your divorce.

Last, keep things light hearted, casual, and upbeat.  In other words, cliché as this may sound, “go with the flow”.  So many problems arise when we try to fight against a situation.  By allowing it and no longer fighting it, it frees up the resistance and will often lead to things turning themselves around.  And it takes far less energy to go with the flow than against it.

Practice doing these things and you will be much more likely to stop your divorce. Keep in mind, you must do them consistently.  If you slip back into old habits of criticizing, pressuring or complaining, you will just shift things back to where they were.  But keep doing these, and it will give your marriage the best chance of working out after all.

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